Fix me

O please Allah give me strength. 

Stronger than ever

Dear blog,
Even if I had a hundred reasons to leave you, I'd still look for that one reason to fight for you. You are perfect, too perfect for me and I couldn't bear the thought of losing you. I constantly feel like someones repeatedly stabbing me and a whole has been punched through my chest but when I talk to you, the world gets better because you make me happy and I respect you for that because so many people try and make me feel better and you don't even try to make me better but you do, you make me better without even trying. Stay strong because the truth is life is tough, and sometimes you only learn if you fall and then you become more careful, you stop being naive. You find that people were right when they told you life is no fairytale. Yes, everyone lies, it breaks your heart but that doesn't mean that you should stop taking risks and living your life to the fullest. It means you should be able to stand up for yourself and be brave. Life is a risk of its own and it's your choice whether to make it worth to remember. I miss that feeling when you make it feel right when everything feels so wrong. You definitely have no idea how hard it is to force myself to stop wondering so much, sometimes. But I won't give up, ever. There's no one I'd rather be with than you. I wish you were here right now so I could hug you so tight and never let you go. Maybe I am just missing you. 
"Never leave a girl alone, because she will never say she needs you. When she really does"

PMS sucks.

LOVE

Dear blog,
"Sometimes you just need to be with the person that makes you smile even if it means waiting." And one day, that someone will walk into your life and you realized why it never worked with someone else. I've a lot of boyfriends in my life, I've been in love with many people, but it never felt this way. Never, not once, have I felt the way about him as I felt about the other guys I have been with, and it feels like I can never love someone the same I love him. It's not like I don't think I can find a better guy, in fact, I might even find someone better than him. But the truth is, I don't want that. I want him. I know it's weird but I want the stupid fights, jealousy and all that kind of both cute and angry stuff he used to do and say, I would even want the pain. As long as it's from him, it's alright. Because I love him. And I know, even if I found a guy who's just like him, both personality and looks, I still wouldn't be able to love that guy the way I loved him. I love you just a little too much.

Scared.

Dear blog,
My biggest fear right now is when you wake up the next morning and you don't love me anymore. I know I over-think but I couldn't help myself. I am girl and girls think too much. Is it wrong to imagine my future with you? Because sometimes, I do. I am happy right now, beyond happy. But sometimes I think, what if I lose the happiness? Can I handle that? You gave me everything, all I have ever wanted before and I am so glad I met you. You are like my precious gift and I would never want to lose you, insyaAllah. As long as I can stay, I will. As long as I can care, I will. As long as I can love, I will. You are like one of the kind, like I have never been so attached to someone like this. Every single moment that we spent, will forever stay in my heart. I don't care what people want to say about me because I know that I love you. Just writing that puts a smile on my face. To be honest, you are the reason of my happiness. I love you because of your sweetness and kindness that I couldn't find in someone else. I love you because you are such a lovely companion. You smile at my silly jokes and enjoy my annoying attitude. I love you because I have a longing to be close to you and so do you. I love to be near you. I love holding your hand whenever we are together. I love looking at you while you eat. Or maybe I just love looking at you when you are with me. I love you because you never get tired to hear my story of the day. I love you because you are trying to make me a better person. And I am trying to. I love you because you appreciate me. I love you because my life has been better since the day I found you. And lastly, I love you for who are you. If I could, I would never want to change anything about you. Because you were being yourself at the very first time I fell for you. I love you, sayang. 

Thousand words

Dear blog,
Not a word can describe how happy I am right now that finally he said that he loves me. I longed for it for so long and it definitely worths the wait. I love being around him and it is never boring. Never. You know, when you are comfortable with someone, all you wanna do is being with him. All you wanna do is to see his face, every single fucking day. I can talk to him about anything. Just anything. He is not perfect, but he is perfect to me. And I am so in love with everything about him. His eyes, his lips, his smile. Everything. It feels like Ive known him for years. I know that sounds cliche ha-ha but its true. Being able to say that I love him before I go to sleep, is probably one of the best feeling ever. Because God knows how much he means to me, Ikmal Azree.
"Baby, I know that we will have tough times. Baby, I know that sooner or later, one of us will want to get out. But whatever happens, I will be here. Always be here for you, insyaAllah"

Final exam in few weeks, wish me luck! 

Love letter

Dear blog,
"Before I met you, I never knew what it was like to be able to look at someone and smile for no reason." And now, you are the reason. You came out of nowhere and stole my heart at the very first time I saw you. And ever since that, all I think about before I go to sleep or when I wake up in the morning is you. And everyday, I am looking forward to see you. To see your smile and be able to hold your hands. Every little things that you do is lovely I couldn't tell how much I fall for you even more each day. You are now a part of my happiness. But somehow, something is holding me back not being able to tell you how much I actually love you when its too early. But love? Who can predict love? I really hope that this time, it's real.
Not hoping, but I will pray for the best. For you and me. You know, What is meant to be will be together.Oh do me a favour, please stay.