Monday, May 12, 2014

9 wonderful months.

Dear blog,
I could never be more happier and grateful than this.
They say, "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours forever". When I think of it, I realize that the fact is true. We once broke up then he came back and never left anymore. He is just incredibly an amazing person anyone could wish for. Never thought that a simple crush could turn into such a great love. Never imagined before that we could last this long. Im really glad that we met and thankful to you for not giving up on me. 

I wish you will be the love of my life. There has never been anyone as special as you.I want to hold you (forever), worship you and make you happy each and every day. I still remember the way you made me feel on our first met and I love you even more since then. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you have done for me. 

I love you, I just do.
Because now in the deepest of my heart,
A place where there was empty before,
There is love.

Happy 9 months sayang, more to go. InsyaAllah.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

All of me

Cus all of me loves all of you,
Loves all our curves and all of your edges,
All you perfect imperfections.

Give your all to me i give my all to you,
Youre my end and my beginning,
Even when im lose im winning.

Dear blog,
Everything I did was just to please some people but I guess that I tried too hard, it seem didn't work out for me. I constantly feel like I'll never be good enough for anybody and to be honest, it is a shitty feeling. They told me not to think too much, but I always end up letting the emotions to take over control. I over-think, like a lot and it has become a disease somehow. Being upset or depressed is a good feeling. I start appreciating things and people around me and I start looking for myself again. We can pretend to be someone else, but when it comes to love, real love especially, it is better to just be yourself. Have you ever been so in love that nothing else matters to you anymore. I know it sounds like the most stupidest thing in the world ever, but if you are in my place you will know what I was saying. When I thought about it, people might think that seven months are short period of time, but to be the person in the situation, it feels so long. Like forever you have been with him. It is like you are focused on a person and all you could think of every single day is that one person. You wake up every morning and look forward to meet him, like every single fucking day. Sounds crazy. He is my happiness and also my sadness. The only person that can make me feel so many kind of emotions, the one that can drive me nuts. Sigh. Whats weird is when I still have those butterflies in me whenever I see him sometimes even if we always see each other. I dont wanna make it sound like Im desperately loving too hard, but I just do. For the first time ever. You know its love when all you want to do is spend time with the other person and you sort of know that he/she feels the same way.  I miss you.

Something is definitely wrong somewhere. Like I studied so hard for the test, but still in the end, I'll be so disappointed with the results. Every time. There will be stupid mistakes everywhere like God knows how stupid can I be. I feel like I dont belong in this place, maybe it is too much for me. Maybe this place is out of my league. I just don't know. Since I got here, theres still nothing that I can be proud of. Absolutely no achievement. Giving up with it. I feel so lost in my own world. Maybe I should just disappear..

Sunday, March 2, 2014

inspirational words

To Everyone In A Relationship Or Wants One, This Woman Has Something Important To Say To You

Many of us look for 'The One' but we don't know where to start. Stephanie came up with a profound idea and she writes:

''There's one trait that I continuously find myself coming back to when it comes to dating: inspiration.

I don't really care how you spend your time. I mean I hope you have hobbies, and it'd be cool if we have some in common, but as long as you spend your time doing things you enjoy, that's cool with me. I don't really care about your education. Do I hope you have one? Absolutely, that's important to me. But I understand that it isn't for everyone. Do I care about your job? Nah. But please, please, have a job that you enjoy doing. That's all.

I really should reiterate. Because I DO care. I care about each and every aspect of you, even the ones I don't always want to care about or the aspects you wish I wouldn't care about. I care to know you - and knowing you involves all of those finite details previously mentioned. What I'm saying is that you'll deviate from what I always envisioned. You won't have every characteristic I always thought that I wanted in a man. And that's okay. But there's one thing I need from you - one thing I really, truly value: I need you to inspire me.

Inspiration in its simplest form, really. I want you to inspire me to be a better person. To push myself - in my career, in my education, in my beliefs, culture, and values. I want you to inspire me to try things I always said I wouldn't. To read books I never thought I'd like, to go to a place I never wanted to visit, to eat a food I always swore off. I want you to inspire me to be better. Every day. Because although self-motivation is important, sometimes our steam just runs out. Sometimes we need a person running alongside us, telling us we can keep going, that we can cross that finish line.

And I want to inspire you, too. I want to be able to push you. To stretch your limits and make you step outside of your comfort zone. Because inspiration is like a weed when you have the right amount. It grows wildly and quickly, and spreads throughout the surface. When it works, when it really works, we feed off of each other. We make each other better. We consistently try new things and pursue higher heights. That's...well, that's inspirational.

And that's what I hope for. Maybe it's a bit far-reaching but maybe it really isn't at all.

Is that not the epitome of every healthy relationship? It's a loose term: inspiration (and it's largely open to interpretation). But think about it. Think of some important traits when you envision the perfect relationship: couples who love each other, who try new things together, who make time for each other, who put each other first, who listen to each other, who push each other. And now think about inspiration. What does inspiration make you do? Does it make you care? Love? Push harder and further? Depending on the situation, it certainly does.

Inspiration makes us better. Inspiration makes us want to do something. It moves our emotions, our intellect, our behavior. And is that not what every relationship needs? We need to be influenced to feel happiness and love, influenced to deeply care for someone other than ourselves, influenced to better ourselves while we better those around us. Quite frankly, that sounds pretty healthy to me.

So that's all I want. And it encompasses so very, very, much, that one little word. Inspiration. 11 letters, 4 syllables, and a different meaning for every person walking this earth. But there's someone out there - maybe you've already found them or maybe you're still looking - but there's someone walking around with a bottle of inspiration ready to swirl and mix with your own. To create that perfect recipe that leaves us with a sweet taste in our mouth and a warm feeling in our heart.

Fill your jar. Screw that lid on tight. And unleash that beauty when you're good and ready.

Be inspired. Inspire others. Our world could use a bit more of that.''

-found on the net-

Saturday, January 11, 2014

late night thoughts

Now playing 
Miley Cyrus - Adore you

Dear blog,
Do you know what I need right now? A very good facial treatment. Yes, exactly. I really need to pamper myself before going back to college. And another thing is, I want to buy Nicholas Sparks' new collections. They are so tempting I wish I have lots of money. Sigh. 10 days have passed since 2014 started and as expected, I am still me. College starts in few days and I dont know should I feel excited to meet my friends and begin semester 3 or be sad that holiday is over. Well maybe I am just in between. There are so many things in my mind tonight and guess what? I just uploaded two pictures on facebook in a day and who the hell still upload their picture on facebook. Lol that shows how lifeless am I. Things between me & lover boy is going quiet well this time. Second time might be the lucky charm, who knows? He may be annoying, yes very annoying and hot-tempered(sorry baby) but despite of all his flaws, he is the one that I choose and I love. The one that I want to be with as long as I can. Never been in love like I am right now that I just fall deep and loving it. Never put this much time and efforts before but I do now. His happiness is mine. That sounds so cheezy but what is wrong of being cliche sometimes. Hehe. But they say, "Dont hope too much or you'll end up bad". So no high expectations, just going with flow. Two people who are meant to be will find their way back to each other, am I right or am I right? If it is not meant, no matter how hard I do things will never work out between us. That is one fact of life & fate that I have to accept. God knows what is He doing and what He plans is the best for me. The problem now is when you have to choose between your boy and your friends. I wish I never have to ever choose, that I can keep it simple balance. But life is not fair sometimes. The scariest thing I could think of right now is when my friends think that I abandon them. Something like "Dah ada boyfriend, lupa kawan". There is no such things. We all need our friends in the end. I apologize if I ever hurt anyone's feelings whether it is intentionally or not. Another thing is that sometimes I wonder, why do I have to grow up if that means I am drifting apart from my parents. It is so sad though. The fact that no one could ever replace them in any ways, that I could not imagine myself losing them. They are my strength and forever will be.
May God bless us all, amin. 

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

sum up of 2013


Dear blog,
It is a new year and time to start again. New Year's Eve celebration was one hell of night, spent it with my lover boy. A very good start for the year and I have a good feeling that 2014 will be a good year. Well hopefully. As I walked out from 2013, I know if don't throw away all the anger and hatred behind, I would still stuck in that prison. As I am turning 19 this year, I really hope that I would change to a better person. 
  • get good grades
  • act mature
  • be a good daughter to mum&dad
2013 is a year that I will never forget. Few years back, I would never thought I will become this person. Sometimes, it made me think that there has nothing to be proud of. It was a year with full of joy and tears, a year with ups and downs, and definitely a year full of lessons, taught me to be wise in thinking. Many memories were made, many dreams came true and many goals were achieved(well not really). Started a new life in college and met amazing people throughout the year. Never thought I would find someone and can love him this much. Ikmal Azree was the greatest gift for last year and I hope I can keep him in the upcoming years. 2013 also made me realized that I am actually tired hurting my parents' feelings that I feel like going away if that makes things better. I dont want to be a bad daughter, at the same time I still want to explore the world. Forgive me for what have I become,mum and dad. I promise you time heals everything. Friends that stay with me through thick and thin are the best I could ever ask for, and those who left I wish you the best. It was a wonderful year, a year I would never forget. Thank you 2013, thank you for everything.