Wednesday, December 16, 2015

End of 2015

Dear blog, 
You know I said I've been in love before. I have boyfriends that I told I loved them. But I never really knew what love is until I met Ikmal. I have never loved someone as much as I loved him, nor I have ever been so loved by a single person. We started dating on my first year in college until end of last year. And in those couple of years, I have never been more happy, loved and safe in my entire life. He taught me what it truly meant to love someone and how to be loved. Everyone knew when there was me, there would be him wherever it was. And we had that stupid love that you see on twitter and instagram. We had more love than most people feel in a lifetime. And I hope everyone gets to experience the kind of love I was able to have with him. Everyone deserves to feel that in their life. But as all wonderful things do, it came to an end. We started to see different things. We fought and argued and it just got the point where we were not happy anymore. But that didn't mean we still didn't love one another nor hating each other. We fought so hard and so long for the love we had, but in the end we both did what we knew was best for us. Ending things with him probably the hardest things I have ever had to do. I created so many wonderful memories with him and I can't thank him enough for the impact he put on my life. It has been over a year now. I still love him unconditionally and he will forever hold a special space in my heart. We still talk here and there but I wish nothing but the best for him. I miss the love and happiness that we shared and I do hope to find that again, one day. 

Friday, February 13, 2015


Dear blog,
He is home, but not my home anymore. When things were bad for me, he made me feel better without even trying. I know we haven't seen each other for quite a while now, even though we are going separate ways now, I want you to know that I miss you. Not that I regret of what happened or wanna see you again, I just miss you. 
Just, I miss you.
It's so strange to think that I knew someone so well that now is a total stranger to me. That sometimes I go entire day without thinking about you, most of the time I let myself forget because it is easier that way, but then I find something, a photo, a song or my stupid notes and the thought of what is gone crashing down on me, all over again. Sometimes you came into my dream, I didn't even remember what happened in it but I woke up with tears and that is probably the worst feeling ever.
Part of me wants to see you again, to hold you but all of those feelings become empty thoughts. Remembering back of what happened, love is not as what it seems, makes me easier to forget. But this isn't regret, we had our reason of ending it, and it was as valid as ever, but back at the start we didn't choose who fall in love with. I didn't even need a reason to fall in love with you, I just did. 
The reasons came at the end. Everything sense comes with reasons and that's good, that one day I will find someone I dont have to say goodbye to. But a part of me just misses loving someone and getting loved back. That's all.
What I was trying to say is, I hope things are good with you. I hope things are great. I hope you'll achieve your dreams. I hope one day you'll find a love that ours couldn't be. But just a small part of me hopes that you still remember everything before all the reasons.
A friend of mine told me, you said you have given up when you actually never did. But one day, when everything comes to your sense, you don't even realize that you already give up. Time heals everything. No regrets, just lesson learned. When this happened, it made me a whole new different person. Ive changed the way I think and the way I accept things. For good.