Monday, June 24, 2013

Help us, Allah

Dear blog,
It is 3pm and I am here in Universiti Teknologi Petronas while writing this. Well, it is kinda fucked up in here with the bad haze around. And it is getting worst everywhere. People are wearing mask here and there while I am here trying my very best to breath. There is no more fresh air. I hope it will get better as soon as possible as I dont want to fall sick. I hope so. I will be having a reading test this evening and wish me luck. I hope I can do it well. 

It is always the wrong timing. To be honest, always. Bad luck Jiha & do pray for me. Mwa

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Day 10

I want to be free & happy. Like those butterflies, so full of colours. 

Dear blog,
Rain is falling.. Bliss
Wow! Time flies so fast I didn't even realize that I have been here for 10 days already. And to be honest I am glad to be in UTP as it is something that I can call 'home'. I finally found friends that I can share my stories & be myself when I am here. At least I don't have to pretend to be somebody else. I am me and why do I have to change myself to make others feel better? Bull-fucking-shit. I miss home, I miss my bed. And I miss my family. To be honest, I just miss my friends. Each and everyone of them. Whatever it is, I am going back home this weekend. Yay me! I spotted few cute guys in here lol be jealous they are cute and smart. Such a perfect combination. 

"Ignoring the ones who care, and looking for the ones who ignore you". Why do I have to make my life so complicated? I thought I was ready for commitment, for a relationship with someone, but when it happens I just feel numb. I don't know what to do and I don't know what I want. I feel like I need spaces. Maybe I don't like being committed to something, but then how do I want to have a boyfriend? Or maybe I am not ready? Or maybe I still haven't found the right one yet? To be honest I just don't know what I want. Part of me wants to stay but the other part asks me to leave. I don't want to hurt any feelings. I am tired of hurting and getting hurt. Life sucks big time, I wish I know what I have to do. I am so clueless.

God bless me.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Day 3

Dear blog,
It was so tiring. And the weather is super super hot. I am getting better here, meeting new people, new environment and whatever happens, I have to adapt with it. I really hope to find someone that I can actually get close. Lastly, I need a car. 

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Day 2

Dear blog,
My first day of classes went well & I met some cool people (thank God). I am beyond happy because my class on Monday starts at 12, how can I not be happy? So, I think it should not be a problem here as I can actually adapt with them. BUT the only thing I hate living in UTP is the hot weather. Plus we have to walk to classes and by the time we reach the classes, we are sweating God knows how. I was hoping that I'll get the car asap, it will be much more easier. I miss my mum and my dad and my home and my family. And my friends. We will be having a carnival tomorrow for Petroleum Geoscience's students so its gonna be so much fun and fun! I hope so. 

Life is unexpected, always. When my heart started to heal, then suddenly came a man out of nowhere and it feels different this time. He cares, he loves and he is just different. There is no hopes given, but I was hoping that this is the time. I need someone that can change me. I want to be a better person. And he is just lovely. 
Me/him : "I like yellow" "I like you" "Well, I think I like you too" "I like you more" "What makes you say that?" "Because you like me" This made my night.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Day 1

Dear blog,
I keep telling myself to stay strong. I keep telling myself that I can do this, because I know I can. It is my first night in Universiti Teknologi Petronas and I am taking Foundation in Petroleum Geoscience. Sounds tough, I know. But this is what I have to go through in my life. This is my fate. My first class is tomorrow and I am nervous like hell god knows. I hope everything would be just fine. The timetable is confusing as fuck. And I really hope I can survive living here. It feels like my first day in SMSS. Same shit but different place. Nervous, confused & scared. Well, this is a new beginning. I have to be more independent and mature. One year.... One year is not that long and yes I can do this. I always have faith in myself. InsyaAllah, wish me luck people.