Thursday, March 6, 2014

All of me

Cus all of me loves all of you,
Loves all our curves and all of your edges,
All you perfect imperfections.

Give your all to me i give my all to you,
Youre my end and my beginning,
Even when im lose im winning.

Dear blog,
Everything I did was just to please some people but I guess that I tried too hard, it seem didn't work out for me. I constantly feel like I'll never be good enough for anybody and to be honest, it is a shitty feeling. They told me not to think too much, but I always end up letting the emotions to take over control. I over-think, like a lot and it has become a disease somehow. Being upset or depressed is a good feeling. I start appreciating things and people around me and I start looking for myself again. We can pretend to be someone else, but when it comes to love, real love especially, it is better to just be yourself. Have you ever been so in love that nothing else matters to you anymore. I know it sounds like the most stupidest thing in the world ever, but if you are in my place you will know what I was saying. When I thought about it, people might think that seven months are short period of time, but to be the person in the situation, it feels so long. Like forever you have been with him. It is like you are focused on a person and all you could think of every single day is that one person. You wake up every morning and look forward to meet him, like every single fucking day. Sounds crazy. He is my happiness and also my sadness. The only person that can make me feel so many kind of emotions, the one that can drive me nuts. Sigh. Whats weird is when I still have those butterflies in me whenever I see him sometimes even if we always see each other. I dont wanna make it sound like Im desperately loving too hard, but I just do. For the first time ever. You know its love when all you want to do is spend time with the other person and you sort of know that he/she feels the same way.  I miss you.

Something is definitely wrong somewhere. Like I studied so hard for the test, but still in the end, I'll be so disappointed with the results. Every time. There will be stupid mistakes everywhere like God knows how stupid can I be. I feel like I dont belong in this place, maybe it is too much for me. Maybe this place is out of my league. I just don't know. Since I got here, theres still nothing that I can be proud of. Absolutely no achievement. Giving up with it. I feel so lost in my own world. Maybe I should just disappear..

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