Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Day 10

I want to be free & happy. Like those butterflies, so full of colours. 

Dear blog,
Rain is falling.. Bliss
Wow! Time flies so fast I didn't even realize that I have been here for 10 days already. And to be honest I am glad to be in UTP as it is something that I can call 'home'. I finally found friends that I can share my stories & be myself when I am here. At least I don't have to pretend to be somebody else. I am me and why do I have to change myself to make others feel better? Bull-fucking-shit. I miss home, I miss my bed. And I miss my family. To be honest, I just miss my friends. Each and everyone of them. Whatever it is, I am going back home this weekend. Yay me! I spotted few cute guys in here lol be jealous they are cute and smart. Such a perfect combination. 

"Ignoring the ones who care, and looking for the ones who ignore you". Why do I have to make my life so complicated? I thought I was ready for commitment, for a relationship with someone, but when it happens I just feel numb. I don't know what to do and I don't know what I want. I feel like I need spaces. Maybe I don't like being committed to something, but then how do I want to have a boyfriend? Or maybe I am not ready? Or maybe I still haven't found the right one yet? To be honest I just don't know what I want. Part of me wants to stay but the other part asks me to leave. I don't want to hurt any feelings. I am tired of hurting and getting hurt. Life sucks big time, I wish I know what I have to do. I am so clueless.

God bless me.

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